Sadeskun: What should I even do

I am Sadeskun. I don't even know what to do, and I tell that because I'm desperate for finding the solution to such a fundamental problem in my life. To be more specific, the problem I have is that because I am extremely obsessed with being rejected by other people, I began to talk in a formulaic, unemotional and inexpressive way whenever I have to express myself. That's because I am obsessed with failure, so I end up trying to filter and understand my feelings everytime before I am going to express or do something based on them.

I want to find a way to diminish that problem and get less afraid of expressing myself. I need to think about what I am going to do.

I am ashamed of my own identity sometimes. Specifically of living in this country.